I know this girl for a long time and we hardly ever talk. I have liked her ever since I saw her face and my six sense tells me she likes me too.
Well, long story short: I know her parents and they are very friendly. I want to ask her out, but she is under 18 and I want to talk to her parents and ask for advice since I think she probably already talked to them about me, and the reason I don't even ask for her phone number its because she is just under age.
I really want to talk to her and see what she thinks and then talk to her parents, but on the other hand, I think it will be a better idea to talk to her mom and dad first and see what they think.
One thing is that I don't see her like just any girl, she means a lot to me and I know she means a lot to her parents too.
I have sisters and they mean a lot to me too, and its not that I never had a younger girlfriend...I don't want her to only be my girlfriend. I want to talk to her parents and tell them that I am not into games.
So, before I do anything; I've decided to share this with you here and get as much advice as possible.
Anything will be appreciated.
Thanks in advance!
J.A.
Answers & Comments
Verified answer
If you have this long history of knowing her and her family, then you know they might have reserves or you wouldn't be asking. If her parents know you are a good guy, then why must you reassure them? You want to approach her on a dating level, but you are treating her like a child by going to her parents first. I don' t know how underage she is, but that would have been a factor, and beneficial to the advice you're asking for. My advice is simple. Ask her how her parents would feel about her going out with an older guy. If she asks why, tell her you would like to go to a movie (cuz underage is underage...no bars). She'll tell you what the rule is in her house. If she doesn't know she'll ask them. Let HER make that move, not you. Let her clear the way for you to date her. If they say no, then that is your answer. They will respect you for respecting their decision. Respect is earned.She'll be old enough soon enough. You can maybe spend time with her whole family and her in the meantime. If they say she can date you, then remember to be a man of your word.
Okay, this is the first issue: how much older are you? As a parent, any more than three or four years older, I would say keep away, because at this young age, an older man is so much more experienced and it is easy for him to take advantage of her. If you are 18 or 19 and she is 15 or 16, then we can talk about it.
Second: what is your life plan? Are you working or going to school, very much walking on the straight and narrow path? In other words, are you someone that a parent would not be upset if you decided to marry? If you are out of a job or if you do not have a good future, the parents will disapprove. Nobody wants their daughter to marry a bum, so you must have a good future planned.
Third: what are your values? Are you just thinking about having some fun sex and that is it, or do you value women and plan to marry? IF you are a "player" forget about getting the parent approval.
I hope that helps
When I was sixteen I started dating a guy who was almost twenty. He worked for my mom so she knew him and liked him. We dated all through high school and have a daughter together. My parents never really worried about his age because they liked him but then again he was online 3 and half years older then me. I don't think that I would let my daughter younger than 17 date someone more than 3 or 4 years older than her but that's just me. It all depends on the person and the situation and my daughters maturity
Well talking to her parents would be a good first step but be prepared that if the answer from them is no than it will limit even friendship contact. Another thing to consider is your actual age difference. If your 19 and shes 17 that's one thing. If your 21 and shes 15 then that's quite another.
The fact you want to speak to her parents shows maturity and respect which, as a mother, I'd appreciate.
However, even if you spoke to me first- if my daughter was 16 or younger I would be wary about your motives (even if you said your intentions were honorable) and I would not allow the relationship to start. If she was a lot younger than 16 (14-15 say) my mom-dar would be screaming so loud I'd be wanting to speak to your parents!!
Based on all that my advice would be to not do anything UNTIL you've spoken to the parents.
Hope this helps.
Well, unless you're closer to her parent's age, I'd suggest you take your own advice and talk to her parents. Explain to them what you told us, how you really like her and not just to fool around with. I don't know how old she is or how old you are, but maybe even make a promise to them that you'll both hold off with anything physical until she's of legal age. Prove to them that you're for real about her. Be completely open and honest with them. Also, respect their decision if they forbid it. Just swallow the pain, smile, and tell them that you understand.
I need to know how old you are. I suspect that you are over 18, based on your hesitancy to ask her out.
You might try group activities first, like a group of friends going out to see a movie. As the mother of a daughter, I was more comfortable when she went out with a group of people, rather than just one boy, until she reached a certain age.
it depends on your age. How old are you? Is this girl 17? almost 18? and if you are close to that age then yes ask her parents if you can take her on a date.
Hi
I think talking to her parents is a good move esp if you already know them and they are friendly. Would be handy to know how old you are / age difference between you, for better advice
18 is not under age to date a girl, unless you fully equate dating with sex. Date her and wait until she is 18 for that.