My friends are getting really annoyed, how do I stop………?
Whenever someone turns out to be a certain way I always end up being like a Psychiatrist and explaining why they are like this. For example, a friend will be telling me that they are always having trouble with there relationships and they leave whenever it gets started and I would be like maybe that’s because when you were young your parents abandoned you so now you find it hard to trust anyone. Then they get really mad… which I guess is understandable but I don’t know how to stop this, I try to bite my tongue but it doesn’t work.
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This is the real reason Y/A is so popular. Everyone at times has an observation about what is going on in their friends lives. Their perspectives are often from the outside looking in or they are not emotionally involved. I am not saying that you don't care for your friend. Almost the opposite. Your friend knows you care but you don't know what she is feeling until she has talked it out.
This is a masculine resolve. Men often go into a "fix it" mode often to the woman's dismay. I know that you are not a man that is why I said masculine. Most women and some men, smart enough to talk things out, just want to be heard out. Often we can talk things out for ourselves and need support or just someone to bounce things off of.
The issue is people like to ask for help "before" they receive it. It is an ego protection or just saving face. When those of us that help without being solicited speak we are subject to appearing insulting. Your friend doesn't want you bringing up her abandonment without her invite. It hurts her feelings that you hold this truth. Not because you use it against her but because it is known.
I say that you have a big heart and want the best for others. Join us here at Y/A and use your Intelligences wisely for those that ask for assistance.
Quote: Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex... It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction.
Albert Einstein
You stop by keeping your mouth shut.
You are in control of your actions.
Unsolicited advice often earns the advisor resentment.
I think you like to do this because you are egocentric, but your superego demands that you do so with the socially acceptable defense mechanism of altruism so as to not appear as narcissistic as you are......see how annoying that is?
I've caught myself plenety of times but I now try to let them talk all their feelings out and when its time for me to say my opinion I ask them their feelings instead of what links them to a certain situation. I have much better results and my friends feel more open to talk to me.
You can stop, but subconsciously you just don't want to. If I was your friend I wouldn't like it either, I wouldn't want to be friends with you. Just get over yourself.
I replace such ideas and sentiments with silence and smiles.