My dad and I have never had a great relationship ever since I could remember I’m going to be 20 soon and I plan to move out of my parents house because now my father permanently lives with my mom and I. He’s lived with us for about a year now and I can’t take it even when he came to visit we always had many explosive arguments. He’s a good example of terrible father. He drinks himself drunk, has a problem with everything and everyone that doesn’t listen to him or does things his way, doesn’t pay for anything in the house except a few groceries if you can force him to do that, he doesn’t like me or anyone else cause we apparently “don’t follow his instruction”. I want to move out but he doesn’t want me to move out he didn’t even want me to have a job so I can make money while in college he doesn’t like when my mom goes out to do the things she likes but we do these things anyway cause it’s our life and he contributes nothing positive whatsoever. I don’t think my father and I will ever have a stable healthy relationship. I’m not sure what I can do to solve any of these problems it’s more negative memories that I have with my dad than I do positive. What should I do?
Answers & Comments
maybe you should move out
When you ask what to do, it's obvious what's happening. You already know what you need to do, and you know what you want to do. So there's only 2 possible reasons for your question. Either you don't know HOW to move out, or you're setting up a mental roadblock to prevent you from doing it. I'm guessing it's both.
You said you and your mom are paying for your college, so talk to her. See if she'd be open to the idea of you getting aroom in a home on campus, or nearby. These are cheap, fun and easy to get into. Talk about the finances. If you're truly ready to live, you need to flexible on school, since you'll be working more and paying for rent. Tell mom you'd be willing to go part time as long as necessary, and you'll set up a budget on costs of living away from home and then figure out how many courses this allows you. If she's open to this, great. If she's not, then you have to figure out how badly you want to leave. You can do it, and it sounds like you should, but you definitely will have to take a longer time to graduate. Not a biggie at all.
The mental roadblock part has to do with you feeling guilty for doing this, or that you owe mom something. Sure, you love her and she's your mom, but this kind of thinking isn't fair to you. Your dad is in her life because she wants this for some reason. It's not your job to make sure she stays happy. You've earned the right to start your own life, and if you're feeling guilty, mom has sent some bad messages to you. Most parents love it when their kids are ready to leave home, because it proves they did their job.
What should you do? Move out. It's not your problem your parents don't know enough to get a divorce.
Does your mother agree for you to move out. If so, then your father cannot stop you. You are an adult.
Who is paying for college? Sometimes you have to just adopt a low profile for a while and leave people to get on with the relationship they have chosen. Move out only when you have some means of supporting yourself or perhaps enlist the help of extended family.
nothing much you can do about it.........he likely drinks himself into a stupor, because he doesn't understand the world around him.......and you failed to explain the mystery of how he came to live with your mother........I'm confused........