I have been with this guy for a year and a half (I am 23 he is 26). When we met he always told me I was stupid for living with past boyfriends and that co-habiting with your significant other is relationship suicide and statistics prove only 60% of marriages work if you co-habitat before tying the knot. In December he had some traumatizing surgeries and began to “stay” at my house full time so I could help him recover. It has been 5 months and he is fully recovered but hasn’t gone back to his house. He lives in a bachelor pad with some friends and their house is really dirty and he hates being there, he is also finishing school and needs the quiet space.
I understand he is staying with me because it is convenient and more comfortable then home… But I wonder if he changed his mind about his views on living together, or… he could careless if living with me could ruin our relationship and we could become just another statistic.
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This is a subject I studied in school because marriage and why it does/doesn't work out has always interested me. The conclusion most have come to is it has to do with the REASON why couples live together before getting married. If they live together as a means to extend their commitment before they get married then it could be beneficial. If it's for convenience (financial problems) or something such as that then that is when it's negative. I'd suggest you talk to him about it. Ask him where he sees this relationship going. I'm not against living together, you just don't want to waste your time with a relationship that is not going anywhere. If he says that he changed his mind then ask if he sees a future together. If he says he still feels the same, then ask how long he plans to stay in your home. Keep open dialogue! Best of luck to you.
Tell him tonight that he is recovered and you expect him to move back into his own home by the 15th. If he needs quiet space, he can tell his friends to buy headphones and be quiet. Is he paying you rent? If not, he's got a great deal living with you.
I agree with him about the cohabitating. When my then bf asked him to move in with him, I said "Sure, what day are we getting married?" I got the 'deer in headlights' look. However, not long afterwards, he started planning the wedding (which actually was set up by my step-daughter) and we were married 2 months later. I have seen what happens to couples who just co-habitate, including my siblings. They really don't have the same level of commitment.
The only reason they dont work is because the people realize they aren't compatible! And better to figure that out before getting married and going through diverse!
There is only a 50% chance that you will stay together anyway regardless of living together first or not.
Sounds like he is fine to live with you but wants to keep his place just in case. He sounds like a jerk, dump him and find a guy thats not a bum!
Stop sleeping with him and consult a lawyer on eviction preceedings..he's a mooch/leech.
Hmmm... Just sit down calmly with him and be honest. tell him you wanna know why hes doing this. Good luck hun
Well, you know for sure he does what's easiest and best for him.
Tell the slug to pick a side.
In other words he is leeching off you? Get rid of this moron!
everybody becomes some sort of statistic.