Me and my boyfriend for 7yrs have been going through some stuff lately we have a 2yr old daughter and he as two 9yr olds from a previous relationship. We recently moved to TX were his other kids resides. We watch them every Wednesday and keep them every weekends; I love his kids eventhough they can be overly dramatic, seeks attention constantly and make up the most unrealistic stories(lies a lot) for praises and doesn't get disciplined when misbehaves. For instance I cook dinner we finish eating; him & I are having a conversation they start acting up, literally crying about something that doesn't even make sense, because they know that he is completely naïve and always fall for that type of BS. My daughter is currently visiting his mother in our native country {Jamaica}. So she is not here, which is also making me very depressed. This is a complex circumstance for me being that we lived together for 7yrs had a 2yr old, it was just us and all of a sudden he claims to have gotten a promotion moving 30miles down the road where he once say he would never return. I am confused and frustrated; worst, I haven't been working since the move; where I find when we argue he gives me ultimatums. I am strongly considering leaving; however, I do not want my child to grow up in a broken home. Please any advice would be highly appreciated and very helpful
Answers & Comments
I appreciate the way you feel, even though you already know better than to resent a baby for issues that are not particularly their possess, it can be difficult not to, when you notice that every one is exceptional when they don't seem to be round, and the whole lot sucks when they are round. I realise, I fairly, fairly do. There is without doubt no handy strategy to your quandary. Do the correct thing and support your husband reconnect along with his children, do not support him push them away. Support him be a father to them. Show them equity and recognize, and you can do this with out being a pushover. Be company but reasonable, and arrange for movements you could all do collectively as a loved ones. Have a discussion with them about the "new" ideas within the residence that take outcome "right away", and speak about how everybody is held to them (this includes your possess daughter). In the event that they see that they're handled relatively and the identical as your daughter, they may come around. In case you furnish them with constitution, they will even respect you for it. I hate to leap on the bandwagon here, because i do know people may also be so judgmental, however the way in which you describe your stepchildren is harsh, and it does style of make experience why matters are not getting higher for you. The solution lies with you and your husband. Make the determination to take again the loved ones as the adults within the household, set principles, gift a unified front and be steady. However more than anything, your husband wishes to be a father to these kids, and also you have got to support him. You can not do that on my own. You might be handiest the step-mom (if only we could manipulate our husband's children, lifestyles would be a lot less complicated), so with out your husband's support, this concern will by no means get better.
You are an adult who is with a man who lived away from his own children for some amount of time. Of course they are overly dramatic...they have missed their Father.
Check out this group and maybe get some hands on help.
http://secondwivescafe.com/
And, perhaps save YOUR conversation for a time in the day that the children are more settled.