I am 20 years old I am Mexican American all my family is Mexican & so is my boyfriends, so me and my boyfriend have been living together for 2 years already. we're in process of buying a house. so 4 mouths ago he decide to propos to me & do an engagement party, so my boyfriend's best friend owns a event center so he organized us our engagement party. After that a lot of people where taking s**** because they all seem that we are ready living together and their wasn't no purpose on having an engagement party. So now that am trying to organize y wedding am thinking about having a bridal shower & people are already telling me not to have one, because am pretty much married already and because I already have mostly everything. it does get me kind of mad because I feel my family & friends are not as happy for me but then also I don't want to look stupid, I just want to know if am really that wrong ? I really want to have a bridal shower because am not legally married, I have no kids & mostly because it's my first marriage & hopefully only marriage, & because of the reason that I didn't have the chance of getting married leaving my parent's house the way that all my Mexican family thinks it should be.
Should I really have my bridal shower?
Answers & Comments
Verified answer
You get a shower if one is thrown for you. You can't plan your own, it makes you look greedy. I know showers are gift giving events but throwing your own looks greedy but someone throwing one for you is generous.
I had a shower because my bridesmaids were kind enough to throw one for us. My husband and I had lived together for nearly three years at that point. Our registry included things that we knew we needed but just never quite got around to buying (we're AWFUL at shopping) and upgrades of things that were wearing out like towels and sheets.
I don't think it's a problem having a shower when you live together, but just about everything else is wrong. It's rude to even mention a shower, because that does look greedy. You wait until someone offers it, and unless it's an all family shower, your mom and sisters should not throw it.
But since these require gifts, I can see why you're irritating people by going around talking about how badly you want one.
Also, if this engagement party was a big event and somehow you ended up getting gifts for it (not sure how these go in Mexican culture)....if that's the case, please drop the shower idea for good. The same people will be invited to your shower, and they're going to get really tired of you expecting gifts from them.
No it's not dumb or people living together to have someone give them a shower
It's very rude for a bride to plan a shower
That should not be done
A shower is given to a bride by someone
The bridal party, a family member, a friend
I had two family showers, but I had a family wedding where the bridal party was family
If you are not legally married, it's okay
You problem may be with your family thinking you should not have one due to what they believe
Brides should never assume they will be given a shower
The issue isn't that you already live together.
The issue is that a bride NEVER has a bridal shower of her own volition. You ONLY have a bridal shower if someone offers to host it for you. You NEVER, EVER ask anyone to throw one for you and you NEVER EVER throw one for yourself.
A bridal shower is a GIFT from the person who hosts it.
If someone doesn't volunteer to throw one for you then there won't be one. And yes, it's poor etiquette for your mother or sister to host your shower. It should always be someone NOT in your immediate family.
Having a bridal shower is one decision that is NOT UP TO THE BRIDE.
As you can see, that Diva person has no idea what they are talking about. But it is perfectly normal to have a bridal shower when living together. I'm having one and I've been living with my fiancé for three years. You don't host it though, somebody else does. So relax and enjoy it.
If you cannot conform to the normal customs and practises of your culture because they have become redundant because of usage then surely you are free to make up your own mind as to what is left for you do. I am sure you can think of some things. After all you are only Twenty. So it is not yet " you are never too old to yearn" when you have not yet learned very much anyway..
You don't organise your own bridal shower anyway. If you're going to have one, it will be because a friend (not a family member) offered to throw you one. If someone does, accept graciously. If that doesn't happen, you don't have one. Simple as that.
not wrong, not dumb. let's expand the vocabulary a little.
unnecessary? poor manners? worthy of ridicule? greedy?
actually, you do not throw your own shower. that smacks of "gimme presents". you are the guest of honor for a shower that someone throws for you-- and not a family member.
no my cousin lived with her bf and had a baby with him and she still got one. I did think it was a bit rude since they lived together and had a kid and expected people to get them stuff
but its really up to you
I fail to see what one thing has to do with the other.