I feel like I’m better off dead?

Social anxiety has made me regret all the things I could have done in life such as making new friends and stuff like that and it has ruined my life . Ppl always say I’m too quiet and I wish I could try to talk to them to show them I’m not what they think I am but I could never.I literally can’t even make a conversation with someone because I am way too awkward or I say stupid stuff. I only have 3 friends and I feel like they don’t even feel comfortable around me and they pick on me and even though I know they’re just joking I still get sad and overthink things. I know the title is too much but sometimes I just can’t take it anymore cuz if I can’t even make relationships with ppl then what good am I to be here?i just wish I had more friends or atleast ppl who talk to me but hardly anyone does which is sad and I feel like it’s mostky my fault since I don’t really try and I want to it’s just I don’t know how to:(

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