Hello

So I´m 18 and I didn´t pass to college last year so I´m in my gap year studying by my own at home. It´s already the end of July and I was supposed to be finishing the Chemistry and Biology books I have. But I have barely started them.

I don´t know what to do. There´s internet and I have many things to check like really fun things like story updates on fanfiction that are really good and tumblr...

I just don´t seem to be able to read a whole chapter let alone 2 or 3 or 4 in a day. And now I´m all swamped with chapters to read. I would give up to try again next year because it´s really getting too late EXCEPT I can´t because first, I suffer from anxiety and panic attack so I can´t be home the whole week, I need to have an active, social life and this year I´m getting sick of staying at home and I want things to happen in my life. I really want to pass to college. Second, my family will get extremelly disappointed at me. My parents are worried, they think I´m not studying enough and I´m not, but I hate that they think I´m irresponsible I just say I´M STUDYING DON´T WORRY

and third, I have a side of the family that thinks that I´m pathetic and retarded and I wanted to prove to them that I´m not.

How can I study? What do I do? Spend the night awake studying? I´ve thought about it. But like I said, I suffer from panic attacks so sometimes if I go to sleep too late I end up not getting sleepy and getting that weird, bad feeling and not being able to sleep anymore. And early morning makes me sleepy.

I can´t go to a prep course because my parents don´t have the money.

Thank you in advance.