My ex and I are still married but have been separated for over a year. I am unable to file for divorce at this time. We have 2 kids together. A 5 year old girl and a 1 year old boy. His 'fiancée' is the woman he cheated on me with while I was carrying his second child. She is also carrying his child. He lives in her house about an hour from me. We both decided that since we do not have anything on paper legally for custody that we would just talk it out and make it work so that he can see his kids. At first his new girl was nice to me. Added me to facebook and so forth. We talked to each other and I actually told myself I was wrong about her. But since then she stole photos of my kids and deleted me from her facebook. Her facebook states that my two kids are her own. As of right now my daughter gets to see her dad about one weekend a month due to her being in school and my son gets to see him for 2 weeks at a time (which is going to change soon as its not fair to my daughter). First time my daughter went to his place for a visit she came back and was calling his new girl her mommy. I know this was forced upon her as I have a boyfriend now and she calls him by his name, not daddy. I do not think it's right for me to force her to call him anything else as she already has a daddy. Anyways, I still get along with his mom and we talk quite often. His mother and I actually fully agree what type of person this other girl is. I even found out that my ex was lying to his mother about me and she thought I was the problem. I also found out that when he has both of the kids that his fiance will call my mother in law and ask her to take my daughter because she can't handle her. My daughter is the easier one out of the two kids because she is older, potty trained, listens, minds ect. I know his fiancée is jealous of me. It's pretty apparent. I have been trying to kill her with kindness but my kids already have a mother and she has done pushed my buttons and crossed more than one line. When they are at their dads both him and his new girl allow my kids to misbehave and do not follow bedtimes ect. I have worked hard to have well behaved children. She is young. She has a 2 year old son and this little boy still uses a bottle isn't trying to potty train and can't talk very well as she does not work with him with milestones. She is a terrible parent. I have tried to talk to my ex about it but all he says is for me to just stop being a ***** to be a *****. His mother tells me that this new girl won't even come inside her house as they are not "well off". She thinks she is better than everyone and I do not believe that she is a good person for my children to be around. She actually causes all the arguments that him and I have. There's a lot more to it than just what I have listed but this is pretty much the jist of things. I don't know what to do. I was wondering if anyone else has been through this and what did you do?
Update:**I am completely over him. Trust me. He abused me emotionally and cheated on me for years. Don't misunderstand. I said some things in the question to give answerers a bit of insight into my problem.**
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Wow! What a dilema, I truly am sorry. But I don't think they will last long. She sounds psycho and it will soon turn on him. And he sounds very very immature. Who in their right mind is still legally married yet engaged to someone else? As for her friending you on a profile site to steal pics of your kids to claim them as her own.. well everybody is gonna know better, and yes she is very spiteful and jealous of you. I think I would be happy at the fact that she hands your daughter over to his mother. He's very stupid for having a child with her when she can't even handle a behaved child. She's not mommy material and she'll probably pawn her own kid off everytime she gets the chance. Like I said, I wouldn't worry too much about the situation as I don't see it lasting long. You're doing the right thing, you come across as a very mature adult who unfortunately got in the mix with a little pathetic boy. I defenitely wouldn't be letting my kids over there often. And since there is no paperwork, tell him that if he wants to see the kids, he can either come over there and visit or you'll take them to his mom's so he can visit. Work out an agreement with his mom. It is very important for kids to keep a close relationship with their father. I applaud you for allowing them even with the circumstance. It is unhealthy for them to be confused and brainwashed into calling that psycho mommy. Just work on something so they're not around her. If his mom understands then maybe she won't mind him staying the night at her house with them and not psycho. It is hard and frusterating but it's gonna be your kids that grow up confused and hurt in the future. He needs to grow up and open his eyes. If he truly loves his kids, he'll stop brainwashing them and accept that they already have a mom and he can't change that. *sigh*
You can turn her into facebook as the parent and have that picture deleted as she has no custody of them.
Next, have him file for parenting time. Until then, he can see kids by you. He can fight it out in court. BUT you will not have a say if she is around child BUT can it will be the standard time to have them, usually every other weekend and he can come to get kids for dinner visit in your area one day a week if he wants. Court takes months to deal with so only offer what you feel is right and the kids should only go together...if he is working, then keep them. Judge will not like that he is calling her finance before he is even divorced from you. You can ask that the papers state, no overnights of opposite sex until they are married...
It's a waste of time to focus on her. Your ex is boinking her, and that trumps nagging ex-wife. You will never be right if you approach him on that.
Focus on what's good for your children. Talk to him only about that. Irregular bedtimes are a common complaint. The fact is, you aren't in control of what happens there, and the faster you adjust to that the better off you and your kids will be.
Don't worry, he'll cheat on her soon and she'll be out of the picture. Wanting to be Facebook friends with the woman your husband cheated on you with is, well, strange. Consider proper boundaries.
Take all of your concerns to your soon-to-be-ex-husband. You have children with him, NOT her and it is in both of your interest to see that your offsprings are well-taken care of. That is the extent to which you can ensure your children's comfort and safety when they are sojourning at their father's. It is quite blatant, too, that you are still very hurt over his infidelity and that is something you need to get past for the sake of yourself and that of your children. Alas, life goes on. With time, you will be much better off.
SWEET MILDRED IS OUR LEADER.. CRAWL INTO HER PLAYPEN