I’m extremely upset that my ex is getting married. BUT it’s not he fact that he’s necessarily getting married, but the fact that we have a child together and I feel as though he’s just going to throw our child away to start another family. We’re in the middle of a custody battle and on his end he doesn’t want to pay child support and he’s actually ok with having graduated visitation which at thIs point is really nothing. He’s made poor decisions in our relationship which is why it ended and he’s already made poor decisions in his current one but it doesn’t seem to phase his fiancé. I keep getting accused of still having feelings for him but I literally don’t want anything to do with him and the only reason why I still do is obviously for our child. People don’t seem to understand that it’s about his choices affecting our child when he gets older because i feel as if there’s no way he’s not going to be affected negatively by his fathers poor choices and the fact that his father complains about having to keep up his end of taking care of him. He’s only 1 1/2 and I know he doesn’t understand anything but that doesn’t mean he won’t ever ask about all of it. Am I being too much or what?
Answers & Comments
HE made poor choices? No, honey, YOU did. You chose this guy to be the father of your child. Why?
"You can't make a silk purse out of a Sow's ear". That means you can't make something bad into something wonderful if the material for it just isn't there. You can't make him into a good Dad, even though you want the best for your son together. Having another family might make him realise what he is missing out on with his son, or maybe not - he could be a bad Dad to any future children too.
You can't change him, and you can't make him into a good Dad. The thing you can do is minimise any bad effects is by surrounding your son with loving, responsible and giving male role models (not necessarily another partner) to look up to, men who can show him how good men act.
If, however at some point in the future, his Dad matures (a LOT) and comes to realise that his responsibilities towards his son includes being a part of his life, then please don't deny him the opportunity to do so.
too much. u can not change other people and he is what he is. is your divorce and custody battle going to affect your child? yes it will. is he going to start a new family and put your child on the back? of course he will. what are u gonna do about it? since we do not have access to time machines or magic wands - NOTHING. u can not turn him into better man and u into a better woman who wouldn't make a baby with the wrong person. now u should let him see his son when he can see his son, u re not going to talk bad about him and u re going to get your own life. there re billions and billions of children from broken homes, some of them are abandoned by both parents, and yet somehow all continue to live. your son will survive too. u just try to be the best mother, because now u re not - u re wasting your energy on being jealous and bitter