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It had been years since Sunshine had laid eyes on Miss Kitty. That had been a good thing. Ms. Kitty was always pinning after Matt, despite all the obvious signs that he abhorred her.

Marshall Matt Dillon, was Sunshine's lover, and now husband. Ms. Kitty could never really seem to accept that. She often tried to win Matt's affections, sometimes even at the most inappropriate, and inopportune times. For instance, she tried to stop their first date, their second date, their vacations, their wedding, and even their honeymoon, which Sunshine had warned her sternly when Ms. Kitty busted into the suite, "Honey if I ever see your sad, sorry, horrible hillbilly face around here again, I can promise you you'll be (8) A WHITER SHADE OF PALE. Miss Kitty left after that, never to be heard from again, except for the occasional drive by the Dillon's home. She had no (2) RESPECT.

Anyways, 40 years had passed since Sunshine had seen the trollop, and was anything but thrilled when she walked into the room. Sunshine was horrified, yet pleasantly surprised. Ms. Kitty didn't age very well. She looked like an old hag, Sunshine thought. "Yikes!" Sunshine said aloud when she noticed her, "The years have NOT been kind to you my friend!" Then she chuckled.

Sunshine was still as gorgeous as ever. She had grown more dignified and radiant as the years had passed, and was still as beautiful as she ever was. Most of her old cronies had noticed her radiant appearance as she entered the room, and began to whisper among themselves, jealous no doubt, about how absolutely stunning Sunshine had looked.

She had walked in on the arm of none other than Marshall Matt. They had been the talk of Dodge City for years.

Ms Kitty looked up from her rum & coke, and gasped so loudly it nearly silenced the room. Then Ms. Kitty slammed down her hand on the table in disgust, and started walking right towards the couple.

"Ohhhhhh GAWD," sighed Sunshine aloud to Matt. "Annnd it begins." Matt whispered with a chuckle, "Play nice Ms MacGillicutty," then he grinned. "Um, that’s Mrs. Dillion cowboy," she said in rebuttal. "Lest you forget." And he laughed.

As Ms. Kitty began to make her way across the room, directly facing Sunshine, their stance resembled one of those infamous Old West gun-fights that were a common occurrence in Dodge City. The observing crowd was silent, and began backing away to give the two ladies space.

Ms. Kitty reached for the holster on her hip. Sunshine loosened her fingers as to reach for her's.

A crumpled pile of streamers blew across the room, resembling tumbleweed.

Suddenly, almost as if on cue, the DJ began to play, (7) HEROES AND VILLIANS from the sound booth. (He didn't have the soundtrack from 'the Magnificent Seven' on hand).

The room was silent, except for the music. Sunshine's eyes met Ms. Kitty's. Ms. Kitty squinted and Sunshine narrowed her glance. They both took three paces towards each other, slowly, all the while starting directly at one another; Their hands still in the stance of reaching for the holsters on their hips. They continued walking towards one another. All was hushed..............

Then suddenly without warning, Ms. Kitty went for her holster, and Sunshine reacted on instinct and reached for hers. Ms. Kitty whipped out............... a tube of lipstick and began to apply it to her dry, cracked, scummy lips. Sunshine rolled her eyes, disdainfully grimacing at her, and pulled out a bottle of perfume, and began to spritz herself ever so gently. (But she didn't over-do it, as Ms. Kitty was prone to do). Then Ms. Kitty whipped out a comb and began to comb her hair. "Didn't anyone teach that girl to brush from the ends up?" Sunshine thought. Then she pulled out, a compact and gently powered her nose.

Ms. Kitty frowned the most hateful frown, then pulled out a tube of mascara and began to apply it, generously to her lashes. Sunshine ****** her head and half-grinned, then she whipped out a nail file and began to file her nails.

Ms. Kitty vehemently scowled and dropped the tube onto the floor. She immediately began to fix the ruffles on her skirt, patting them down gently.

Sunshine grinned and grabbed her chest and shook her cleavage, silently mouthing the words in Ms. Kitty's direction,

"These are real honey........ahahhaHahAalahahaLaLalalalala"

Ms. Kitty gasped in horror.

Suddenly Ms. Kitty stomped her way towards Sunshine, fists clenched furiously at her side. Sunshine didn't back down, but walked directly towards Ms.Kitty. Marshall Matt stood there, amused, almost as if he were the referee for this 'fight.'

He didn't know why Sunshine was allowing Ms. Kitty to provoke her so, but he also understood the rivalry between the two ladies had gone back decades. It actually turned him on to see Sunshine defending their love. He found it amusing, and that fact that Sunshine was fighting over him (even though they were married) made him love her all the more. As the two ladies stood face to face, "He sighed, (5) SUNDAY WILL NEVER BE THE SAME." Then he laughed aloud.

Ms. Kitty spoke first. "(4) I HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE that you were coming Sunshine."

"Really?" Sunshine started, "I didn't hear anything about you. Personally I thought you were dead."

Ms. Kitty gasped in offense. "Well," she said to Sunshine, “I can see you're still with the Marshall." Then she glanced over towards Matt and said flirtatiously, "Why Marshall, you're as handsome as ever. (9) I CAN'T TAKE MY EYES OFF OF YOU." The Marshall half-grinned, not knowing really what to say in response to her statement, but figured he may as well keep silent, Sunshine would handle it. "Well you'd better if you still want those beady little eyes attached to your head when you leave!" replied Sunshine.

Ms. Kitty huffed, "Hmmmphh," she said.

Then it dawned on Sunshine, she really didn't need to entertain Ms. Kitty's cantankerous demeanor, nor her fantasies of winning Matt over. Matt belonged to Sunshine; it was as simple as that. Sunshine took a deep breath and said, "Well Kitty, This ends our conversation. (6) HELLO GOODBYE." Then she paused and thought for a moment, then finished her sentence, "I'd stay and chat with you but I’d rather suck on a mouthful of razor blades then spend one more minute with you."

Ms. Kitty grimaced. "(3) I SECOND THAT EMOTION."

Matt interjected, "Well at least after 40 years you ladies finally agree on one thing, even if it's that you despise each other."

Both women stood there a moment, staring at one another.

Then Sunshine turned on her heel, and confidently, but sarcastically said, as her final dig and 'up yours' to Kitty, "You know Kitty, perhaps you wouldn't be so miserable if you found yourself a good man." As Ms. Kitty began to bite down on her lip furiously, Sunshine grinned and said,

"(1) I'M A BELIEVER that (10) ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE."

Then she tucked her arm under Matt's, and grinned a wide, confident grin, as he gently pecked her on the cheek.

♥♥♥ THE END ♥♥♥

8 2 7 5 4 9 6 3 1 10

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Wow Sunshine!!!

I heard it through the grapevine, that you're 40th high school reunion is .. tonight!! I have to tell ya' that I was a whiter shade of pale, when I read that! I hope that you're going! If only to tell us stories, about it, next week!! You know that I've got nothing but respect for ya! You must be excited beyond belief, and I second that emotion. When was your last gathering? I'm a believer, that YOU some how, will be the center of attention. You wouldn't have it any other way.

Thanks for the email. This was just a quick hello... goodbye friend.

Touche

PS - Don't forget the cowboy hat...yeeehaaaawwww!

Oh my gosh Can't take my eyes off you. you sure are a whiter shade of pale, don't know if you are Heroes and Villains, but I heard it through the grapevine that all you need is love. Since I am a believer, I hold a great deal of respect for your desiring to become new and that Sunday Will never be the same for you. I second that emotion and say Hello new life Goodbye old

I'm a believer in heros and villains, There has been a couple of occasions when a villain's threats were frightening enough to make me a whiter shade of pale. If anyone else expresses their feeling of fear because of someones threatening behavior, I second that emotion. It's important to understand that if I heard it through the grapevine, out of respect for the subject, I should not participate in sharing undocumented data with anyone. All you need is love which will help you accept that perfection does not exist. It's hello, goodbye when gossip comes my way. The day Sunday will never be the same for me, because that is the day I met you. And some of my acquaintances are eager to provide negative information about some of your former behavior. But I just can't take my eyes off of you, and would be more than pleased if you perceive my attraction to you.

I'm a believer in showing people respect.

But, rumor has it and, what I heard through the grapevine turned me to a whiter shade of pale when I heard the news.

I know there are both the heroes and villains here on Yahoo P and S; that takes no one by surprise, I am sure.

I do hope what I heard, that you are pregnant and don't know who the father is, is nothing more than a dirty, fictitious and evil rumor spread by the villainous characters here.

Sunday will never be the same any longer when I log in to check on your latest posting.

Love is all you ever needed and all you need is love. I just wished that you didn't have to go about trying to find it in obscure places. I just don't quite know what to say! Hello? Goodbye? I don't know how our friendship can exist on such disrespect you have for yourself. I am simply appalled ! I realize how lonely you get sometimes, agreed, I second that emotion but when you bloat up like a whale in 9 months-- I don't think I can just look away. I can't take my eyes off of you.

Let's just hope, it's a false rumor.

X 1. I'm a Believer

X 2. Respect

X 3. I Second That Emotion

X 4. I Heard it Through the Grapevine

X 5. Sunday Will Never Be The Same

X 6. Hello Goodbye

X 7. Heroes and Villains

X 8. A Whiter Shade Of Pale

X 9. Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You

X 10. All You Need Is Love

Now, I'm a believer in hard work, and I respect my superior officers (mostly), but I tell you, pulling patrol for the 34th day in a row was just wearing on my nerves. To make matters worse, it was Sunday. I tell you, Sunday will never be the same.

So there I was, crammed in the cockpit of a fighter, in space, beyond the orbit of Saturn, but not much. Slowly but steadily, the good ship Alice and her fighter escort moved sunward.

The radio buzzed. "Mako One here, hello goodbye, it's my nap time," I quipped.

"Hey Tamer," said the voice of Vanessa. "I heard it through the grapevine that you'd be getting some underlings!"

"Well, I second that emotion. I'm tired of getting shot up all by my lonesome, I could use some company," I said. "I'm snoozing, you'll keep an eye on me, right?"

"Can't take my eyes off of you," said Vanessa.

"Mako Squadron reporting all quiet, no sign of enemy activity. Status, fuel 95%, full charge all weapons, ammo 100%, full complement of missiles, all green, running in 'G' mode" I reported. "I can see Orange One's lights in the distance. Over and out."

I put my feet up. Don't know how long I was snoozing. I was awakened by my radio.

"Orange is out of action! Take his position and fight!" said the voice of Vanessa.

I looked for Orange, and turned a whiter shade of pale. Lots of flickering rocket light over there, still too far for my threat board to make out how many. "Acknowledged," I said.

I kicked in my rockets, and in a few minutes... "Fourteen enemy ships, one friendly," said the threat board.

"Gloryosky!" I shouted. I launched all my missiles, a.i. coordinated retargeting. Then I said a little prayer. All you need is love, and ammunition! I set the fighter into battloid mode.

"Threat board, soldier me, go," I said. I pulled on the v.r. helmet.

A moment of disorientation came over me, and then... I was my battloid. Laserhead was my head, handgun was in my hand, and I had rockets on my boots! Euphoria! I pulled the trigger, and handgun was blazing!

"Vanessa!" I called out.

"Got you already, Scarlet Squadron'll be there in a minute," responded Vanessa coolly.

I tell you, there are heroes and villains. I'm a little of both. I saved Orange One's life. Then Scarlet Squadron saved mine. Everyone went home except the fourteen aliens. Not that I'm calling the good ship Alice home, mind you.

Jimmy and his friends were discussing girls, and Little Johnny was bragging about his conquests with the ladies. He was boasting that he had done "it" several times with one of their classmates, Mary Jenkins.

Mickey and the others laughed.

"Sure you did……wasn’t it in one of those wet dreams you have every night?”

NOW they ALL cracked up!

Little Johnny was indignant!

"You guys don't believe me, huh...WELL...I can PROVE it!" He said. "She has a heart shaped mole right on her tuckus. He pointed to the spot on his own anatomy……SO THERE!!

They all cackled, with Jimmy laughing the loudest.

“Well...I heard it through the grapevine, that you were STILL a virgin Johnny!!..........SO THERE!!!

Now they all howled with laughter!

Johnny was getting tired of this conversation!!

“What say we go shoot some hoops?" He asked

“I second that emotion” said Mickey, and so they all left, except for Jimmy. He was busy thinking up a way to find out if Little Johnny’s story was true!

Since Mary Jenkins and him went to the same church service every Sunday, and he knew that she always went to the bathroom at least once he concocted a plan! That Sunday he hid himself in one of the toilet stalls at the church bathroom, feet up, door locked and waited. Sure enough after a while Mary came in. Jimmy silently peeped through the crack between the stalls. What he saw caused his eyes to bulge! He lost his balance and came crashing down, hitting the floor like a ton of bricks.

When he looked up Mary was standing over him with a scowl on her face "Is THIS what you were looking for? She asked, holding up the soiled napkin.

When the police arrived a little later, Mary coolly pointed towards the end stall. “He's in there" she said.

He was passed out cold, his face a whiter shade of pale, except for the red smudges and the napkin lying at his side. “What happened here?” The officers asked.

Mary smiled...Johnny had just begun to come to...she let him answer first.

“Uh…I…uh....went into the wrong bathroom by mistake…then I …..Felt dizzy …and passed out” He looked up, knowing his story was lame and waiting for the axe to drop.

He was utterly shocked when Mary said “yea, I came in here and he was passed out”

The officers looked at each other, asked Jimmy if he was ok, and seeing that everything was OK, left.

Jimmy was speechless. Mary looked at him, narrowing her eyes.

"I'm a firm believer in having the punishment fit the crime. I hope this teaches you a lesson and that you will have more respect for women in the future”

With that she turned on her heel and left him standing there.

Sunday will never be the same…for Jimmy anyways!!!

One day on Halloween night a magical mystery tour guide had arrived. I felt something in my spirit he was about six feet away on the long and winding road. Music! Music! Music! he called. A blackbird flew on his shoulder. Run for your life my mind said. Then I looked up. He was the Monster Mash, Eyes without a face. If only I had a brain I thought I might run away. Then his blood started streaming down my face. He had struck. He started to strike a little boys neck. It was a ghost. He killed the little boy just as violent as it could be but then all of a sudden I felt something grab my neck he was going for me! He was holding my neck I started to turn blue he punched me in my face. He hung me on a tree used me as a dartboard and drowned me under the stream. The ghost has struck again. If only I had run away. I was dead. I knew it he lifted me up put a knife in my side and only water came out. Byebye me on that haloween night that was such a fright.

4 in the morning

I'm so sick

Don't matter

can't take it

it ends tonight

"Dave, Dave. DAVEY!! Is it really you?"

They both had come to their 40th class reunion with the unspoken hope of seeing him again-- but not looking like this! Looked like he had gone to Transylvania and hugged Dracula's bride!

"Oh Dave, it's so good to see you again after all these years!" Jenni said.

"Dave, you look like Death warmed over," the more-direct Penni echoed her hidden thought.

The perky voices of Penni and Jenni, twin valley doll cheer-leaders of 1967, rang through the old High School auditorium like a song. They were still enchanting! They had changed little, Dave thought, in 40 years.

"Hi dolls," he said in a casual tone, effecting coolness he scarcely felt. He had been out with them, but had scarcely got to first base with either of them because, when they went out on a date, all three went.

Davey Grogan, truth to tell, was more interested in broad-jumping than in jumping broads, but he loved to take the twins all over town, displaying them like sports trophies.

But he had changed drastically since visiting the old castle, and could never let them know what he had become.

It used to annoy them for him to address them as "dolls", as in, "Dolls, do you wanta go out on the town tonight," addressing either one of them on the phone as though she were both of them, and talking to both as if they were only one of them. Now they liked it-- sort of.

But, as carefully-preserved antique dolls, thought Penni sardonically, maybe they were merely collector items now! Maybe they belonged in a doll museum, wearing antique clothes in the styles once worn by their grandmothers. They WERE grandmothers, long-divorced women with grown children.

Maybe he wanted to take them out on the town again, an innocuous movie followed by a boring combination meal at McDonald's, maybe a top restaurant. Maybe he still wanted to patronize them. Only it'd be over senior citizen discount hamburgers, if he was on as tight a budget as them. How terrible to even begin to get old, and how much worse to have REAL old age to look forward to. If only they were vampires, which live forever!

"Are there vampires," Jenni surprised her by asking in a whisper. "I wish we could be vampires, so we would never age."

"I'm a believer," Davey said, overhearing their whispered conversation as though with the sensitive hearing of a bat. His tone, and being overheard, somehow sent a shiver of delight through them. "I plan to live from now on, if I can avoid diabetes. My uncle lived forever, and then he died of diabetes," he dead-panned in his best Yogi Berra voice. It wasn't that good, but they smiled anyway-- a mixture of politeness and unquenchable love!

"I'd still like to live with you-- forever," Penni thought with an audible sigh. She had once embarrassed Jenni by suggesting to him that all three move in together. Tonight, Davey perked up his ears as though hearing and liking the thought.

Penni felt the familiar shiver again and, seeing Jenni's identical erotic shudder, knew that Jenni was mirroring her thoughts and feelings as closely as she mirrored her face! Same slight lop-sided heart-shaped face with Valentine-child eyes and lips, same identical mole to the right of Jenni's lips, the left of Penni's.

Same thoughts! Said the same things at the same time, just like Louie, Huey and Dewey Duck. But looking older-- like the fading print of a beautiful young woman-- and, worse, every once in awhile sounding drearily wise and dull. Oh, to be a vampire! Have the flush to the old cheeks, even at the cost of drinking somebody else's blood! Yuk.

Poor Davey! Looked like he hadn't eaten in weeks, his belly swollen with the swelling of a starving man. Yes, what had drawn their attention to him across the room was that, while they had stayed the same-- same as each other, and the same as they were before except for the obligatory lines around the eyes and mouth, the pepper-and-salt hair disguised by identical dye jobs-- Davey had changed terribly.

Davey looked like Hell: Once tall, straight, slender and 18 , now monstrously transmogrified into a hulking, crouching brute. OMG, they once had skinny-dipped in the creek-- nothing happened, as was usual with Davey, to their disappointment as always--- but the three had a delightful time in the moonlight that night, comparing bodies and builds like children playing doctor, then dressing again for the dull ride home.

To be young again! To stop and do something even more fun than skinny-dipping on that long ride in the country. Never happen now. A tear rolled down Jenni's cheek, and an identical transparent crystalline jewel rolled down the mirror-image doll cheek on Penni's face.

"Davey, you're a whiter shade of pale," Jenni said, echoing what Penni was about to say, playing their old game of song-title conversation in hopes of getting in a less melancholy mood.

Penni promptly put in, "I heard it through the grapevine that you had become paler since taking that extended visit to Transylvania the year after you graduated. Visiting relatives in the old castle, eh? Vampires, I'll warrant? Werewolves, I wouldn't be surprised to learn?"

(Her favorite literary character besides Dracula was the King of the Goblins, not the one played by David Bowie in "Labyrinth" but the one in the "Lord of the Rings" in what had become her favorite sequence. Remember? The king said to the dwarves and hobbits fleeing through his tunnels, "Thieves, I'll warrant? Robbers, I shouldn't be surprised to learn?" Oh, well, I liked the line, and I guess Penni did too!)

Davey grinned. "Being a poor boy related to ancient Transylvanian nobility has its up side and its down side. " He was thinking of his nights aloft on bat wings, and spending many days sleeping down in his coffin.

"Oh, pooh, I understand that you and your Transylvanian relatives literally suck," Jenni grinned in concert with Penni, who lied, "But you haven't changed that much. I can't take my eyes off of you!"

They were grinning with such irresistable mischief that Davey, in his previous incarnation as a running back, debate team leader and valedictorian, would have had an irresistable impulse to hug them, always a double pleasure since whichever he hugged, the other always joined in, giving him a big kiss on each cheek.

But now being kissed by a mortal woman would be a disaster. He wouldn't turn into a frog, as the prince did in the old story, or the other way around, he didn't remember. He would turn into a blood-thirsty, batty creep with just one thing on his mind!!

He scowled. He didn't hug them now. Neither one of them could he hug now, nor ever touch again. For now wrapping his hulking arms around a mortal woman was a huge responsibility, far transcending the mortal danger of risking sex while a teenager or even in this day of the persistant AIDS scare-- something that, as an ordinary mortal, he had always avoided, anyway, because it might cost him energy he needed for that last ounce of effort to make the field goal after a touchdown.

He knew that any woman he swallowed in his arms now would be literally swallowed, at least the more ruddy flowing portions. The safe zone was five feet away-- with the woman, hopefully, having no cuts, no blood flowing, not even a hint of blood-colored lipstick to get his motor running! Not even a band-aid to conceal the alluring red glow underneath it!

"I can't take my eyes off you," he said sadly, as he took another sip of tomato juice, or some other dark red liquid that he was sucking through a straw. "You're still my dolls, but now," he lied, "I respect you too much to put you in a compromising position. Gotta go! Hello. Good-bye. Dolls." he said the last word in a tone of heart-rending sadness, and slowly strolled away, but they walked faster, catching up.

A former running back, he could still have out-run the the twin ex-cheer-leaders, but for some reason he didn't really try to get away.

"All you need is love," Jenni said, looking at him with big blue eyes, mirrors of his own ageless orbs of blue melancholy. But she thought, inwardly, that he looked like some kind of a count of the undead, in the poster advertising a horror movie.

"I second that emotion," Penni added, thinking, deep within, that poor Davey looked like some not-really-so-dead count, on the screen in an old scary show at the movie theatre.

"Davey, I think we've both figured out what happened to you in Transylvania," one of them or both of them said, they never afterward could remember which.

"C'mon, tell us! How does it feel never to get older? How does it feel never to have to buy burial insurance?"

"Oh, you girls are barking up the wrong tree, I might look a little queer but I've never sucked anybody," he lied, then for such a pale fellow, blushed noticeably. "I mean...."

"Ohhh," they both squealed in unison, overcome and wordless from his shy, stumbling awkwardness, his oh-so-transparent lie, his masculine fear of saying the wrong thing. Then, with the same thought, they raised up and kissed him on each cheek as in days of old. He leered fiendishly through his still-boyish face, suddenly completely aroused, but not in the way they thought.

"Tell us, real man to woman," they said in unison, "Is that really tomato juice you're drinking-- or is it BLOO-OODD??" they asked fiendishly, imitating the accents of Bela Lugosi. "C'n we have a sip or two?" Jenni added.

"Or, by any chance, would you like a little taste of us-- BOTH OF US?" added Penni in the same tone. She always was a little more daring than me, though we think the same way, Jenni thought ruefully.

"So then you know?" he asked, hunched over looking completely miserable. "And you don't hold it against me?"

"No way of knowing for sure until you tell us. But, Davey..." Jenni lowered her voice to a whisper, "I believe you're a vampire! So does Penni!"

"We want you to suck our necks," Penni stated baldly. "We want to give you a real blood donation, to restore your glow. And that's only the beginning! We want you to..."

She whispered the suggestion in a soft, seductive tone, and Jenni, knowing the thought and tone if not understanding the words, smiled with knowing non-innocence and said, "I presume you've overcome your inhibitions about.. about THAT now?" The Sexual Revolution had left her conversation as inhibited as her aunt's, who was born in 1901 and who, of course, was dead now. Dreary fate of all mortals, except for vampires!

He laughed, hugged them, and they kissed him on each cheek again, then, to the amazement of the crowd, he spread his concealed wings and hoisted them like dolls to the ceiling, then swooped with them out the door.

"You are now the brides of Dracula," he intoned in his most fun Bela Lugosi voice, that he had often bored them with on dates. "I want to suck your bloo--ood!" His eyes sparkled with mischief as his fangs, sparkling in the moonlight over the deserted church tower where the hovered, shone and dripped with hunger.

"Oh, he's a real vampire, and he's going to give us those sexy neck bites, give us holes in our necks," Penni squealed. "We'll be his brides forever," Jenni said in a tone of wonder.

"Some people think there's just heroes and villains," said the Count. "But Uncle Drac was a good guy and a bad guy and a middle guy all rolled into one until he up and died last year--yes, he was transported to that great Land of the Undead in the Sky-- or a little farther down-- because one thing will kill even a vampire: drinking the blood of a diabetic!

"The most careful vampire ends up doing that once every thousand years or so, and it always does him in. He was legendary, but, like Bart Starr, he was a legend of the past. VIEW THE NEW COUNT DRACULA!"

He removed his shirt and stood resplendant before them, in his cape and fangs and 1967 designer blue jeans. Little else. His abs were perfect. It is a little known fact that miniscule blood-sucking tubes go into action even when a mortal kisses a vampire on the cheek. His skin is crawling with them! His good abs and some of his color were back already, thanks to the double-double kiss.

. "Ever see material like this," he said, mimicking the tones of Columbo on the old TV show. He pulled a bit of the black silk cape out of his unzipped pants zipper, causing the girls to cover their eyes, peering out through their fingers as they squealed in delight.

"You're wicked," they chorused. "You're absolutely evil! We both want to spend Saturday night with you, going out on the town."

"I'll nibble your necks, I'll nibble your ears," he leered like Clark Gable. "I'll nibble places you've never had nibbled. I'll take all Saturday night consummating our marriage. On Sunday morning, we weel wed in ze old weeding chapel-- I mean wedding chapel," he said, eying the cuckleburrs and sunflowers growing up to the cracked windows of the church.

"Who will officiate," Jenni said, and Penni chimed in, "Who will marry us?"

"Uncle Drac. A vampire wedding is a very spiritual event. It can be performed only by the ghost of a vampire! Bright and early Sunday morning. It's a complete myth that vampires can't handle sunlight. We love it! Fill me up on VIRGIN''S BLOO-OOOD, and my pallor goes away completely. I tan great!"

"Precious little virgin's blood you'll get around here," the girls chorused. "We didn't get much action during the Sexual Revolution because we were stuck on you, but we've made up for lost time."

"Your necks are both virgins," he leered, and they shuddered with delighted anticipation.

As they flew away, silhouetted by the waning moon, a delighted bride-to-be awaiting a delightful wedding night under each of Count Dracula's arms, Jenni said, "No more dull Saturday night dates, playing shuffleboard at the Senior Citizens Center...

"And Sunday will never be the same," Penni completed the thought.

"And, pretty soon, we can draw Social Security forever," Jenni said.

"Wow, I never thought of that," said Penni.