There was a competition to cross the English channel doing only the breaststroke, and the three women who entered the race were a brunette, a redhead and a blonde.

After approximately 14 hours, the brunette staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest swimmer. About 40 minutes later, the redhead crawled up on the shore and was declared the second place finisher.

Nearly 4 hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers. When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race, she replied, "I don't want to sound like I'm a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms."

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Two blonde girls were talking and one couldn't help but notice how pretty and beautiful the others skin was. So she asked her outright what made her skin so soft and beautiful."Well, once a week I fill the bathtub with milk and just soak in it."

So the blonde went to a farm and spoke to the farmer. "I'd like a lot of milk."

"How much?" asked the farmer.

"Well, quite a lot because I'm going to soak in it."

He asked, "Pasteurized?"

"No...just up to my boobies."

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Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So y'all want to be cops, huh?"

The blondes all nodded.

The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder. Sitting back down, he opened it and pulled out a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities such as scars and so forth."

So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds. "Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"

The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"

The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!"

The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.

The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back and said, "What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"

"Yes! He only has one ear!"

The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear!! You're excused too!"

The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.

The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but . . " He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"

The blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses."

The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled _expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"

The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well, duh! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses!"

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Hear about the blonde who....?

Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight..

Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope..

Can't work in a pharmacy because the bottles won't fit into the typewriter..

Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out..

Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button..

When asked what the capital of California was, answered "C."..

Can't make KoolAid because eight cups of water won't fit into one of those little packets..

Sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

Tripped over the cordless phone.

Put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

Took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

At the bottom of the application where is says "Sign here", she wrote Sagittarius.

If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.

When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved.

Got an AM radio. It took her 9 months to figure out that she could use it at night.

Stood staring at the frozen orange juice because it said "Concentrate".

Saw a "¿" on her computer screen and asked another blonde,

"How do you do that?" She responded . . .

"Simple, just turn the keyboard upside down!"

Q: Why did the blonde nurse bring a red marker to work?

A: In case she had to draw blood!

Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?

A: It tak

Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?

A: It takes too long to retrain them.

Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?

A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!

Q1 How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?

A: There's white-out on the screen.

Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?

A: There's writing on the white-out.

Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?

A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.

Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?

A: For throwing out the W's.

Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her name tag) ?

A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"